I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I deserve this hangover.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize