Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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