She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
