You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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