My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
