There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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