my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
