u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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