It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
