hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
