he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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