You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
