sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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