I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
