So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
