I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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