The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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