whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She bit a glass in half.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
