I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
