got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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