im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I need to sanitize my soul.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
