Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Found the puke drawer
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
