are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
