Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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