I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
