ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
