no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
