i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
