I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
