he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
