I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize