My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
