I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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