Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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