I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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