Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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