Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
