Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
