Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im six kinds of drunk right now
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
