ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
