i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
