I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize