glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
