...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
