I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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