throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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