I hate all girls vehemently.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
