my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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