Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
