She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
