haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
