a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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