Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
