i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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