escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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