dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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