bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
