summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
