That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
