So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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