Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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