I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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