i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
