He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We got so high we made milksteak
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
