I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
