just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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