Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
