Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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