I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
