First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
