I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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