Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
