Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Still dying that you shit outside
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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