what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
