just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
