"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
