It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
