first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
