OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If its not for food we ain't going out.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
