I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
