I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize