can u get pink eye on your cock?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize