Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize